My ego sadly makes it possible for me to distinguish who is the wheat and who is the tares in others but hides this X-ray vision when looking inward. Thank you for this post, it totally hits home…
Luke, the idea behind your comment reminds me of this quote:
“The line separating good and evil passes not through states, nor between classes, nor between political parties either—but right through every human heart—and through all human hearts. This line shifts. Inside us, it oscillates with the years. And even within hearts overwhelmed by evil, one small bridgehead of good is retained”
― Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, The Gulag Archipelago 1918–1956
Part of what you said reminds me of that bit from St Augustine: "...Too late have I loved you! You were within me but I was outside myself, and there I sought you!" I think that this was from his "Confessions", which ( I must "confess") I have not read. But I have heard this quote from his work, and it really sunk in to me. Where is my head? Where is my heart? If Christ is within waiting, why am I flying around everywhere else under the guise of some holy pursuit? Great essay.
This landed hard. It isn't an Orthodox problem—it's a human problem. My problem. "Help me to see my own sin, not that of my brother" is a prayer that doesn't come naturally to any of us. We're wired for upward mobility, not kenosis.
People are weary of Your Church because of us, O Lord. And the attitudes I've carried—serving to build my own ego rather than out of love—are part of the reason. I have grown weary of myself. Teach us how to descend.
Beautifully written. I hadn't seen this prayer before, thanks for highlighting and unpacking it.
My ego sadly makes it possible for me to distinguish who is the wheat and who is the tares in others but hides this X-ray vision when looking inward. Thank you for this post, it totally hits home…
Luke, the idea behind your comment reminds me of this quote:
“The line separating good and evil passes not through states, nor between classes, nor between political parties either—but right through every human heart—and through all human hearts. This line shifts. Inside us, it oscillates with the years. And even within hearts overwhelmed by evil, one small bridgehead of good is retained”
― Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn, The Gulag Archipelago 1918–1956
I'm so thankful he is my bishop. We are truly blessed having him serve in the US.
Part of what you said reminds me of that bit from St Augustine: "...Too late have I loved you! You were within me but I was outside myself, and there I sought you!" I think that this was from his "Confessions", which ( I must "confess") I have not read. But I have heard this quote from his work, and it really sunk in to me. Where is my head? Where is my heart? If Christ is within waiting, why am I flying around everywhere else under the guise of some holy pursuit? Great essay.
So good. I did my best to aim at a similar theme that was probably more pronounced here.
https://jerimypaulspencer.substack.com/p/holy-sinning?r=1tk7yt&utm_medium=ios
This landed hard. It isn't an Orthodox problem—it's a human problem. My problem. "Help me to see my own sin, not that of my brother" is a prayer that doesn't come naturally to any of us. We're wired for upward mobility, not kenosis.
People are weary of Your Church because of us, O Lord. And the attitudes I've carried—serving to build my own ego rather than out of love—are part of the reason. I have grown weary of myself. Teach us how to descend.
Thank you for this bucket of cold water in the face wake-up call.